Finding My Way Back

The last 6 months was a whirlwind for me.  I was sinking and didn't realize it.  The summer ended with the death of my mother in law, a trip and the start of a new job.  I neglected writing the blog because I just got so busy.  The start of this school year was the most stressful I have ever experienced.  I was at my wit's end.  Then, October hit and I hit the wall.  It started with the death of two acquaintances.  They died of weight related illnesses.  This was hard for me because I am a health coach and had reached out to one of them in an attempt to help them shed some pounds.  In the background of my mind, however was the pain I was feeling because in May I lost another dear friend to cancer.  I had not spoke to her in the months prior to her death.  I had talked to her Sept early Oct and had been saying I would call her to check on her.  I kept putting it off and it was getting closer to school being out.  So, I began to say that I would wait until school was out and go see her or perhaps, she and I would go to lunch, if she was up to it like we did every year.  I didn't realize she was as sick as she was.  I had made up my mind to call her as soon as school was out.  School was out May 25th.  My friend died on May 25th.  I found out the day before her funeral.  Her husband said he thought someone else had gotten in touch with me.  I am devastated.  Well, needless to say, before Oct was over I lost two more acquaintances, both were murdered. I spiraled into a depression and didn't even realize it.  I knew I was unraveling at the seams, but didn't know what was wrong.  I was stress eating and before it was over had put on 20 pounds in one month.  I was losing it.  My daughter ask me two weeks ago if I were depressed.   I have suffered from bouts of mild depression before and I guess she recognized the pattern.  I said that I didn't think so because overall things were going well in my life.  She pointed out my behavior and how I was stressing over the deaths and how they had affected me.  It was a light bulb moment.  I knew what I must do to combat the hold of depression.  There is no room for depression when you are enveloped in a blanket of praise and thanksgiving.  I am fighting to find my way back and I am down 6 pounds.  I am concentrating on the blessings I have received and the goodness of the Lord.  I am praying for healing and for God to take away the pain.  I am stronger than any desire to nibble and stress eat.  I worked too hard to lose the weight and cannot go back to where I started.  I stepped on the scale one week ago and was heartbroken at the 190.4 that stared up at me.  I wanted to cry, but that was the battle cry that snapped me completely back.  I have wanted to blog, but didn't have the courage to say what I was thinking or feeling.  Healing for me comes with writing.  This is catharsis.  I am finding my way back and will be stronger as a result.  I am sure I will have more moments, more challenges, but I am so happy to know that God is a comforter. I know that I am blessed beyond my wildest imagination and with the best yet to come, I will always find my way back to that place of praise where He resides.